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Friday, January 16, 2004

Overeating MISERY 

Oh my God. I think I am going to explode from the misery of overeating! Yes, I know I haven't been around as I promised but I've been...uh...well....busy? Not exactly. Tired and recovering from the big Holiday trip? Something like that. More likely I've just been lazy and have had trouble getting back into the spirit of blogging. Kinda like going back to work after a vacation. It's just hard to get back into it, but once you're there it's ok.

Anyhow, back to my original complaint. I'm full beyond any kind of normal fullness. This is just plain old miserable!

I started working a temp job today that supposedly will last 3 weeks. It's a data entry job that I believe will last me just over a week maybe. Hey I'm just good. If there was any way I could stretch this job out I would, but it's just too boring to type slower than I am. The day is long enough now with me whizzing down their list of accounts for data entry. I guess we'll see. Anyhow, due to the fact that I left the house today (which I havent done much of this last week) and actually WORKED for a change (first temp job I've had since early November!) Oh and Bryan and I have been really good this week and eaten at home every night since we got back, so we decided to go out tonight. We went to a place called the Melting Pot. It's apparently a chain of restaurants across the United States selling FONDUE! God, it was endless food too! We got a meal for 2. This included melted cheese fondue that had garlic, wine, a shot of cherry whiskey (brandy? Kirsche something or other) swiss cheese of course and a few other goodys too...this came with chunks of bread, pieces of apple, and raw veggies to dip in it. The second course was a salad that was to DIE for. Had nuts on it and a rasberry vinagrette and pieces of blue cheese. Then the next course was a bullion base with some wine, mushrooms and a lot more garlic in it. It came with raw veggies, and raw pieces of duck, pork, steak, chicken, shrimp and potstickers. You put it in the boullion and cooked it yourself. Then there were all these great sauces that you put on it after it came out. Wow. And as if that weren't all enough, we got desert. Now I've been there before and I believe I blogged about it back in November about the chocolate fondue! It's absolutely the BEST thing I've ever eaten to date! Well no matter how full I was from all that other stuff mentioned above, I wasn't about to miss out on the chocolate! We had something called the yin and yang (dark chocolate swirled with white chocolate and melted in a fondue pot at the table. YUM. No other word describes it!) It came with pieces of pound cake, brownie, strawberry pieces, pineapple, a piece of cheesecake, bananas and marshmellos with nuts on it...God. I was in heaven!

But you see. Now I'm paying. Im MISERABLE. I can't move. I can hardly BREATH. Was it worth it? If I could do it again I could probably forgo everything EXCEPT for the desert. I'd like to have TWO of them!

Do you remember me telling you about Bizarre Barb a month ago or so? She and I had lost touch for a few years and then she found me and emailed. If you read me regular-like, you'll remember her being the girl who in the middle of the night called me screaming into the phone that she'd found a crab - DOWN THERE and then forced me to go with her to the all night pharmacist back when we were teenagers! Well she's coming either tonight or tomorrow morning and staying until Sunday sometime.

Problem is, I don't know what to do with her. She and I are so not alike these days and she's on some diet where she can't eat potatos, pasta, white rice, anything with wheat, and no cheese or anything that would have candida in it. What will I feed her? I geuss we'll see. She's also a born again Christian. She called me yesterday afternoon and bluntly asked me if we go to church. I said, no, we don't go to church. I didn't want any misunderstanding with her. She needed to know. Problem is that now I expect that she's going to try to preach the gospel to me and convert my ass. Bry is not looking forward to this. I have an appointment with my friend R to get a massage at the Red Door Spa on Sunday, and dammit! I'm looking really forward to it! I told Barb that I have this appointment (she's leaving that day anyway) and I got the response, "well how long do you think you'll be before you get back to your house?" I was surprised because I thought she would just be ready to leave anyway to go to Phoenix for her conference. Bry is REFUSING to stay at home alone with her on Sunday. Very unlike Bry, but I think he just wants to watch football in peace. LOL. I can hardly blame him, she's really nice, but odd too.

Well I guess I should go because she MAY or may not be coming tonight and I have to do a little straightening up before she gets here. I'm just procrastinating AS USUAL. Hey I guess it's not all bad, it got me back here FINALLY!

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

I AM ALIVE 

Said the girl with the big blue eyes.

You probably thought I'd forgotten about you. Well actually it's just the opposite. I have been ill. I have been besotted with illness for the entire holiday season. I caught the strangest flu ever. One day I'd feel awful, the next better, but not healthy by any means. Then I'd have a day where I felt good. Ahhh...I'm better! The next day it'd drop me on my ass with a whole new set of symptoms. Must have cycled through 4 cycles of this shit and it was no fun! Wasn't on my deathbed sick, but certainly didn't feel good or like celebrating being with relatives I haven't seen in so long or the joy of my little niece! I had no enthusiasm for ANYthing. It just SUCKED! Between that fact that I was sick, and being out of town, spending time with relatives, and fighting with my father's windows 95 slow-assed computer I just haven't been able or felt up to getting here.

I feel terrible and I'm sorry. Hopefully a few of you will still check back and I haven't dropped to zero readers again. Well if I have, I'm sure I'll get a few new people from some weird-assed google searches! Maybe I should say a few strange words so that I'll get a few hits. Hmm...like maybe nipple, sexy, oral, member, and oh how about screw. THAT should do it. Well as this is the slowest computer on EARTH, and I've been fighting with it for awhile tonight, I better go and save some of my frustrations for another day.

One last thing. We leave Thursday morning to drive the two day drive back to Tucson. If you see a silver infiniti with Arizona plates in Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico or Arizona that has a man, a woman and a big black dog in the back seat...honk and wave! If you see us broken down stop and help us wouldja? We need all the help we can get. And if you're some axe murderer? Don't bother stopping, we could do withOUT your kind of help! So I'll see you lot back here on Saturday or Sunday at the latest!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Christmas blahs... 

Well here I am, safe and sound in the land where Elvis is King and crisco is put into EVERYTHING and mmmmm...doesn't it just taste so much better?? Unfortunately the answer is yes! My waistline will be reaping those rewards before long!

We made a 2 day drive to Memphis to spend the holidays with my father and my sister and her family will be arriving on Friday. It should be nice to have everyone together!

I met Dad's new girlfriend and she's VERY nice. Very sweet woman! I'm afraid Dad will be walking all over her before long. He's already got her rubbing his feet EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ugh. Not a job I want! No thanks! Also, he had her wrap ALL his Christmas gifts. This is a job usually given to my sister or myself. Hey I'm not complaining, not like I want to go and rewrap anything for the pure JOY of it. She's just so nice, and I hope he doesnt run her off!! I don't see that happening any time soon though. She seems smitten and so does he. I even heard him tell her on the phone in baby talk that he loves her! "I Looooove youuuuu!" Eww! Didn't need to hear that! My sister and I are halfway expecting to hear a "big announcement" once we're all together. Guess we'll see.

So I'm STILL sick! I spent all day long today sleeping and taking medicine. When will this illness go away! I feel terrible! Head's all full and my voice is all messed up and my sinuses are pounding, sore throat, and my head hurts! SUCKS! OH and Im starting to develop a nice little cough in my chest! NICE! I just want to enjoy the holidays and I feel lousy so it's not happening! Maybe tomorrow will be the day I start to feel better! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Tomorrow we're going to the girlfriend's house for a meal with her entire family. I get to be the resident photographer for them. That should be fun, I just hope I feel up to it! She's apparently cooking everything for a traditional Christmas meal. Should be good considering southern women are supposed to be FABULOUS cooks! She is good too because she made us baked spaghetti tonight and God it was good! I found out that the secret ingredient was some red cooking wine! YUM!

Well I hope everyone out there gets what they want for Christmas or Hannukuh and that the holidays are just very merry and all that jazz. Please be safe and don't drink and drive and don't let the bastards at the mall get you down!

Friday, December 19, 2003

I have a cold, and it SUCKS! 

Im sick. Probably too much stress over the holidays and money! Oh well. I'll live. I just want to feel better so that when we drive out of here at O'Dark Thirty on Saturday morning I don't feel like HELL. 2 full days in a car when you don't feel well and are expected to participate is no fun. Well I feel better today than I did, but am still up and down. One second I feel as though Im about to DIE and the next I'm full of energy wondering what the fuss was all about. Ugh! SiCK SuCKS!

We leave, by the way, Saturday morning and will be in Tennessee until we return here at the latest on January 11th. Could be earlier though, we'll just have to see. We're driving because our elderly dog Sasha has nowhere to go. I have no doggie sitters and I won't kennel her, she's too old and spoiled to go there. Normally I take her to my sisters (in Sasha's eyes it's Club Med) where she can frolick in the Black Dog Club (My sister has a black Lab named Bear who is Sasha's boyfriend). Anyhow, my sister and her family are also going to Memphis for Christmas so therefore we have noone to take care of Sasha. So we're driving 2 full days with a dog, a big dog at that! Should be interesting. We've done this before, but it was when Sasha was a younger dog. I hope she doesnt get too stiff and sore from not moving around in the car. Guess we'll see. May have to double up on her joint medicine or something.

Anyhow, it should be a great time if we ever get there! I wonder if we'll see any snow? I hope we don't while we're traveling, but other than that, bring it on! I know you folks on the east coast are saying NOOOOO! But being an AZ girl it'd be nice to see some, even if its just for a few minutes!

Damn I think all the cold medicine has made me lifeless and boring. Sorry people! I just don't write very well when under the influence! I guess my main point is that I may be here and I may not depending on if I can log onto Dad's computer or not over the next few weeks. Keep checking back and I'm sure there'll be some interesting stories to blog about. Hell, we're talking my family and retarded gift tags and almost 3 weeks together. Beyond that I'm also meeting my dad's girlfriend for the first time. Not only is it the first time meeting her, but the first time meeting any of his girlfriends. Ugh...this is stressing me out a bit I have to admit! My sister K and I both kinda are worried he may be announcing an engagement, in which case I'll REALLY freak out. As I was saying, there should be PLENTY to blog about. You may be my saving haven of non familial matters where I can pour my heart out about how it's all driving me crazy! Dont miss this! Keep your ears open and you may hear my screams of agony all the way from Memphis, Tennessee!

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

People have lost their damn minds! 

The day I got back from San Antonio, I flew into Phoenix. My sister picked me up and when we were loading up my stuff into my car, she told me that one of my tires looked flat and I should check it out before leaving.

I checked it out and with her husband's help, we got it reinflated and I decided to go to costco to have the tire looked at to make sure I wasnt about to have a blow out in the middle of the desert when it's dark and beyond that I had no charge on my cell phone. It'd gone dead. Could have made for a terrible situation!

So after getting directions to Costco (which by the way is where I purchased the tires, and thus the reason for going to them to have them looked at because they were under warranty!) I headed out. I'm pretty familiar with my sister's area of Phoenix, but this costco area was a new area for me. I found the shopping center and turned in, but had to drive across the parking lot for at least 5 major stores before reaching costco. I got behind some putz who was literally going 2 mph which drove me crazy. I just wanted to get my tires looked at so I could go home. I turned up a lane and cut up past where the slow poke was and when I cut back over I accidentally went down a lane that was a one way parking lot lane. I realized my error almost immediately, and me being the person I am, didn't want to get in anyone's way.

I'm a rule follower. I really am. So when I realized my error and that another car was coming up the lane, I pulled over to the right. There were about 15 empty parking spots that I drove over onto so he could go by. I did not want to be in his way since he did have right of way and then after he went by I planned to get out of the lane ASAP! So picture this. I am completely off of the part of the lane where you drive, and pulled over onto these parking spots and am in no way bothering, hindering or in this guys' way! Also, there are other spots on his other side if he is wanting to park. He just sits there in the middle of the lane and doesn't move. I wave at him to let him know that he can go. And he just sits there! Now he's keeping me from moving and I'm just sitting there feeling more uncomfortable by the minute because A. I'm pointed the wrong direction in the parking lane and B. I'm parking across several parking spots waiting for this extremely boobered man to move! Finally after I wave at him to move again, he starts flailing his arms around, pointing to the lane to his right and the lane to his left. I look at him and shrugged my shoulders and again made a motion for him to go, I think I even mouthed "I'm sorry" to him. He keeps sitting there and making his gestures and screaming at me! I don't get it, I wasnt in his way and he had somewhere to park that was just as close on the other side! He was just freaking because I accidentally went down the wrong way? That man needs to get a life! So finally I made a few "gestures" myself and screeched out of there, pulling into his way, making a three point turn. JESUS help me what the HELL was his problem? He spent more time blocking me than it would have taken him to pass on by or park either one. What was the FRICKIN POINT?

Anyhow, so I get away from ASSHOLIO and FINALLY get to costco, and I walk into their tire center. Noone there, not even a clerk. So I wait by the register. While I'm waiting, this older woman comes in. When she's about 5 feet from me, she BLOWS a HUGE FRICKEN FART! LOUDLY! PROUDLY! What does she do? She looks at me and says in a small voice as though it was just a small burp, "excuse me". Not even a nervous "Oops" laugh or giggle. No red face, no embarassment! I couldnt believe it!

So here's the set up. I am standing at the far left end of the counter. The register is at the far right end. Older woman walks in and puts her things down at the left end, near the register, so now it looks as though she's been there longer than I have! So the clerk walks in and says "Hi can I help you?" I VERY loudly and quickly say "yes you sure can!" and explain the problem. He rounds the counter and says to me, "I'll need your costco card". No problem, I pull out my wallet and while I'm doing that, OLD WOMAN HANDS HER COSTCO CARD TO HIM!! He goes to scan it, and I finally get my card out, and she starts telling him her sob story about how her daughters birthday is today and she's supposed to be at the party but she's got a nail in her tire, blah blah blah...I go to hand him my card and he goes "Oh, are you not together?" The lady says "No" He looks at me strangely and says "well I'll need your card to fix your tire" I said "well of course, we're two separate customers". It was very odd! She tried to jump in front of me!

First she farts and then she tries to jump the line!!!! BEYATCH!!!! The worst part is that when I came back, HER car was ready before my car was! GRR!! Traffic and people this time of year certainly bring out the BEST in me don't you think???? Or maybe it's the WORST in them that I am seeing. Yeah, that MUST be it because I'm a patient kind of person, I'm oozing with patience! Ha! Yeah...ok! What've I been smokin?!

Monday, December 15, 2003

Sadam Hussein 

One last thing before I go to bed. (My brain is on overdrive tonight). Earlier my mother in law called me up and we were talking. She wanted to wish us a happy anniversary. So she asked how BK's graduation went. I told her that BK wouldnt be able to talk about this, but that I would anyway, but that the truth of the matter is that he hadn't been in San Antonio at school at all! That in truth he'd been in the middle east taking care of business and hunting down Sadam Hussein because no one else had been able to find him they came to the guy who could! And that I'd not gone to San Antone to see him graduate, but that the military had flown me to the middle east to see him be presented with a special medal for finding and capturing him!

My mother in law wasnt expecting this from me and she bought into it fully! She said, "well? Now he was just really good. He gave us a phone number and everything! We had no idea! What kind of a medal did he get?"

I went on and on and on and then finally told her that I was kidding. Her response?

"YOU ASS!"

Hee hee hee! I crack myself up sometimes!

Fake clapping 

I forgot to tell you about my fake clapping!

At my hubby's graduation of 231 students, each time a student would walk up and get their diploma, you had to clap. This was later repeated at the banquet with all the speeches and presentations, and awards for distinguished graduates. Anyhow, after you've clapped what seems like 50 million times your hands start to feel hot and just uncomfortable!

But I found the solution!

Do the FAKE CLAP!

You do the hand motions as though you're clapping, but you don't let your hands actually touch! The only time this doesnt work is when people stop clapping suddenly and the guy next to you realizes you're hands are moving together but not making any sounds! Hey it worked for me 95% of the time! I got a couple of odd looks but who cares! My hands didn't hurt as much as theirs did I'm sure!

Hmm...on second thought, maybe I shouldnt have shared my fake clap story with you. If this catches on, pretty soon everyone will look like they're clapping and it'll be silent! That could make for dramatic non-effect! Could be a bad scene!

Poodle for a day. 

Howdy y'all! I'm back from San Antonio where I went for my husband's NCO Academy graduation at Lackland AFB! We stayed an extra day as well so we could celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary (the 14th) a few days early, and stayed down at the riverwalk in the fabulous Marriott Rivercenter hotel. AMAZING! Beautiful! Man if I had more time and a million dollars I'd live there permanently! The riverwalk is all decked out with Christmas lights in the trees that hang over the river and there's luminarios all along the riverwalk's banks (paper bags with sand in it and a candle inside lit at night). It was FAB-U-LOUS!

Anyhow, back to the reason I went out there. BKKay's graduation. It was great, got me all pumped full of patriotic pride for my husband and people that do his job. After the graduation in the morning of the 11th, there was a banquet that evening where we got to dress up in our formal garb. BK got me an appointment at the base beauty parlor to have my hair "done". I walked in, she asked what I wanted done, I looked through a book of "up do's", picked one out that was elegant, conservative, and just pretty. I show it to her and tell her the only difference is that I'd like only the front and top to be up and back, I'd like to have the rest down so that SOMEthing frames my face. She says she knows exactly what to do and I let her go at it.

I wasn't too concerned when she rolled EVERY SINGLE HAIR on my head in a roller and stuck me under a dryer for an hour. She's the expert after all, right? She knows what she's doing, right? I'm paying her $35 to do this so it's going to be done properly and I shouldnt worry right??

WRONG.

Oh Lord was I wrong! She takes down the rollers and I start laughing immediately because I look like Shirley Temple. I'm serious! I really did! So I go and get BK so he can have a laugh too, and bring him back to where she's going to "do" my hair. I'm STILL not too concerned because I trust that she knows what she's doing! To really give you the experience of what I looked like, just think SUPER PERM HEAD! So I let her do her thing and really the point where I got scared was when she asked ME if I had a ponytail with me. SHE is the one who does up do's and she's asking ME for something to put it up with? So then she puts it up in a ponytail on top, but leaves this enormous DENT in the hair that goes from my temple up to where the ponytail was. It should have been smooth! It was a mess! So she pulls out some tendrils to frame my face with. It looked awful! I looked like a girl ready for her quienciniera (mexican sweet 16 party) or for my first holy communion or even a bridesmaid! It was soo ugly!! THEN she kept telling me that it would relax a LOT, and started taking all the tiny curly ringlets and trying to pull out the curl and make it into bigger curls which didn't work!

Why can't I be stronger? Why couldnt I have looked at her and said this is awful! I'm not paying for this? Ugh! I didn't. She knew it was as ugly as I did because not only did she not tell me it looked good, but she didn't ask me what I thought of it either! She knew! AND STILL HAD THE NERVE TO CHARGE ME $35 for it!

I actually had to go back to our room and take it out and fix it myself! It ended up looking really nice, but you know what? She was wrong! Those curls stayed with me and with me...I totally brushed out my hair at the end of the night and they just did not want to leave me! I wish I had a good photo of the event. Oh I've got photos, but they all SUCK! Would do no justice to me or the dress. All I can hope is that the professionally done photos that we ordered turn out good.

Now I know how poodles feel...I was one for a day and hey, next time you see one, give it a little extra pat. It's not easy being a poodle!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

500 anyone? 

PEOPLE! LISTEN UP! A momentous occasion is about to happen! 75 Degrees and Raining is about to go over 500 viewers! Who will my 500th visitor be? Well hell I dont know, but if its you, leave a comment if it says you're number 500. I was 499 when checking out the page, so let me know if its you, wouldja?

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